You’re here right now because you’ve had enough of men’s anger and violence. You want to stand up against the hatred toward women and CareZA stands with you. Men’s violent madness toward women must stop, let’s do it!
Men who hurt women have probably been hurt and neglected in the past, by older men and even in some cases women. Research tells us that men who were exposed to a violent and unsafe upbringing, recreate that with their own partner and children.
These men need healing. So, we encourage men like you to engage and support men who are prone to violence. We have powerful tools and skills to offer so that you can take action and help men to find a non-violent way of being in the world.
If you feel anger rising during a difficult conversation online, take time out to calm down. Anger can be triggered by past trauma, anxiety or when you have a need that’s not being met. Once you’ve released your anger, you can use your skills and resources to deal with the conversation constructively while avoiding aggression, belittling comments or shutting the dialogue down.
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We tend to build walls between ourselves and the people we disagree with. We block them, get aggressive or hope that they go away. To create change, we need to tear down these divides and start conversations that lead to real understanding. When we make the effort to see through the eyes of others, we drive out hatred and bring in compassion. Without understanding people feel isolated and aggressive, which creates more conflict.
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If you’re afraid to speak up, you can make use of male allies online and offline (braais, soccer club, work etc). It may be too intimidating for you to risk being excluded, although you may feel ashamed later on for not intervening. When two men speak up, it creates space for more men to contribute and it may stop the behaviour that promotes hate against women. Male allies develop strategies to support each other. You can form these connections by talking to other men who also seem uncomfortable with comments that promote hate against women. Next time you hear a sexist joke, have the courage to speak out and get your brothers to back you up.
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The overwhelming compulsion to avoid excruciating feelings of shame, humiliation and rejection is masked by an eruption of acting out violence. In these instances shame is managed by attacking others through violence. Shaming and insulting men online further isolates them and adds fuel to the fire. By reaching out and building trusting relationships with men, you can help them to alleviate their shame through meaningful conversations instead of resorting to violence.
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Challenge prejudice and find common ground with other men through empathy. Empathy requires the courage to be vulnerable because in order to connect with them, you’ll need to connect with something within you that knows that feeling. Try learning more about other men’s experiences so that you can understand their perspectives, emotions and reality.
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