How to heal childhood trauma and abuse

Childhood trauma and abuse leave deep scars that can affect every aspect of a man’s life, from relationships to career choices, and even physical health. For many men in South Africa, the long lasting effects of these early experiences can be particularly challenging, given societal expectations of masculinity and the stigma around discussing emotions and feelings. However, healing is possible, and necessary, and understanding the steps towards recovery can empower men to reclaim their lives and find peace.

Acknowledge the Trauma

The first step in healing from childhood abuse and trauma is acknowledging that it happened. This can be a difficult and painful process, especially for men who have been conditioned to suppress their emotions and “tough it out.” Denial might seem like an easier path, but it only prolongs the pain and prevents true healing. You have to face what happened. Recognising the trauma for what it is—an event that was out of your control but continues to influence your present life—is crucial.

Seek Professional Help

Therapy is one of the most effective ways to process and heal from trauma. A qualified therapist can help men work through their emotions, identify triggers, and develop coping mechanisms. In South Africa, there are numerous mental health professionals who specialise in trauma therapy. There are various therapies available and effective in treating trauma, these include:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): a type of psychotherapy that helps individuals understand and change negative thought patterns and behaviours. The core idea behind CBT is that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are interconnected, and that by changing negative thought patterns, we can influence our emotions and behaviours in a positive way.
• Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy: a psychotherapy approach designed to help people heal from the emotional distress caused by traumatic experiences. Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR focuses on helping individuals process and reframe traumatic memories by using a structured eight-phase approach that includes guided eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation.

It’s important to find a therapist you feel comfortable with and who understands the cultural context of your experiences. Find a trauma therapist or helpline for mental health here. 

Build a Support System

Healing from trauma is not something anyone should attempt alone. Building a support system of trusted friends, family members, or support groups can provide the emotional backing needed to navigate the healing process. In South Africa, there are several support groups specifically for men dealing with childhood trauma. These groups offer a safe space to share experiences and learn from others who have faced similar challenges. Joining a community like HeCareZA, that understands your struggles can be incredibly validating and can reduce feelings of isolation. The South African Anxiety and Depression group – SADAG – offers a free 24 hour helpline (0800 567 567) and lists free support groups for men, you can find the groups here. 

Engage in Mindfulness and Self-Care Practices

Mindfulness and self-care are powerful tools in the healing process. Practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga can help men become more attuned to their emotions and reduce the physical symptoms of trauma, such as anxiety and stress. These practices encourage a connection between mind and body, helping men to live more fully in the present moment rather than being haunted by the past. Learn more about mindfulness techniques, here’s a basic no-nonsense guide for men.

Addressing Toxic Masculinity

A significant barrier to healing for many men is the cultural expectation to be stoic and unemotional— in South Africa there is the saying ‘Indoda ayikhali’ (a man does not cry) which means that it’s seen as a sign of weakness, but it’s actually a trait of toxic masculinity. Challenging these norms is essential for healing. It’s okay for men to express vulnerability, seek help, and prioritise their mental health and breaking down these harmful stereotypes can lead to a healthier, more balanced view of what it means to be a man in South Africa. Thankfully, dismantling of these harmful stereotypes is becoming more normalised and publicised with shows like Vuka Mjita, hosted by actor Mondli Makhoba, where men are encouraged to have open, honest conversations and express their vulnerability in order to start healing. You can watch the show on Mzansi Wethu on DSTV.  

Explore Creative Outlets

Creative outlets such as writing, painting, or playing music can be therapeutic for men recovering from childhood trauma. These activities provide a way to express emotions that might be difficult to verbalise. Art therapy, in particular, has been shown to help trauma survivors process their experiences and gain a sense of control over their narrative. Engaging in creative pursuits can be both healing and empowering, allowing men to reclaim their identities and express themselves in new ways.

Take Care of Your Physical Health

Physical health is closely linked to mental health. Exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep are essential components of healing. Regular physical activity can reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, improve mood, and increase overall well-being. Men in South Africa can benefit from integrating exercise into their routine as part of their healing process. Whether it’s joining a local soccer team, taking up jogging, or practicing martial arts, staying active is key to both physical and emotional recovery. Explore the benefits of physical activity for mental health.

Lastly, Embrace the Journey of Healing

Healing from childhood abuse and trauma is a journey that takes time, patience, and persistence. For men in South Africa, overcoming the challenges posed by cultural expectations and societal pressures is part of the process. By acknowledging the trauma, seeking professional help, building a support system, and embracing practices that promote mental and physical well-being, men can heal and create a life free from the burdens of the past. It’s a journey worth taking—one that leads to a stronger, healthier, and more fulfilled life.

By empowering yourself to heal, you’re not only changing your life but also challenging the norms that have kept so many others silent. It’s time to break the cycle and create a future where every man can thrive. By doing this, you set a great example to other men, and you could become the support that another man needs. Watch this video to see how men can support each other.