Build Respect. Not Regret.
Create safer online spaces. #endtfgbv

Online hatred, violence and abuse is on the rise, it is called Technology-Facilitated Gender-Based
Violence (TFGBV) and affects all of us negatively in some way.

Rapper Xtreem Makhayeni asks in his song: “Will you build or break?”. When you build respect, you
choose to log off negative social media, not share abusive, violent or misogynistic content or
comments. You choose to not be a slave to the algorithm, which will feed you hateful, violent content
the more you share and engage with it. The message in this song is clear. Don’t hate. Create.
Create safer online spaces for all, and leave a positive legacy. That is what being a real man means.

What is Technology-Facilitated Gender-Based Violence?

Technology-Facilitated Gender-Based Violence (TFGBV) is when phones, social media or digital platforms are used to harm, control, shame or threaten someone because of their gender.

It can include:

  • Sending unwanted sexual messages
  • Sharing private images without consent
  • Online stalking
  • Threatening rape or violence in comments
  • Creating fake accounts to harass someone
  • Coordinated hate attacks
  • Deepfake sexual content
  • Public humiliation for “not behaving like a woman should”

This isn’t harmless online drama, this is abuse that destroys reputations, careers and lives!

A regional study on digital violence in Southern Africa found sustained, gendered online abuse including sexual harassment, stalking and threats, and while that statistic focuses on media workers, it reflects a much broader reality: women across professions and communities are targeted daily.

In Malawi, research showed extremely high levels of cyber abuse against women, including:

  • 83.6% experiencing cyber bullying
  • 92.5% experiencing cyber stalking
  • 71.6% experiencing online sexual exploitation 

When women withdraw from online spaces because of harassment, we all lose. It means fewer voices. Less participation. Less leadership. Less equality. And that’s just bad for society. 

Online violence is part of the same cycle we see offline. Hate and abuse is now interchangeable between our real world and our digital world. This cycle can, and must be broken.

Let’s build safer online spaces together, that can help us all lead better, healthier, more successful lives.

For Women and Survivors: Support Is Here

If you are a woman experiencing online harassment, threats, stalking or image-based abuse, please remember:

It is not your fault. It has nothing to do with:
what you wore.
what you posted.
or what you said.

Here’s what you can do:

1. Save all evidence
Take screenshots. Save links. Record usernames and dates. Archive WhatsApp chats. Do not engage further if the situation escalates.

2. Report on the Platform
Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, X and WhatsApp all have reporting tools for harassment, threats and non-consensual image sharing.

3. Report to Authorities
In South Africa:
You can open a case at your nearest police station (SAPS) for threats, harassment, stalking or image-based abuse.
Sharing intimate images without consent is a criminal offence.
Cybercrime legislation provides additional legal protection.

4. Get Immediate Support
Gender-Based Violence Command Centre (24/7):
📞0800 428 428 (Toll Free)
📱 1207867# (free call back)
📧 help@gbv.org.za

Rape Crisis South Africa
📞0800 727 272

Childline South Africa
📞0800 055 555

SAPS Emergency: 10111
POWA (People Opposing Women Abuse):
📞 011 642 4345

Lifeline South Africa:
📞0861 322 322

Rape Crisis South Africa – 0800 727 272
Childline South Africa – 0800 055 555

You are not alone. There are people trained to support and advise you, confidentially and safely.

Advice for men – how you can help build respect and create safer online spaces

Let’s be honest.

It’s easy to be a different person online.
It’s easy to say something cruel for likes.
It’s easy to hide behind a username.

But every comment leaves a footprint.
Every post can either build or break your reputation.
Every action shapes your legacy.

Research shows online abuse is often amplified by anonymity and lack of accountability. But the consequences are real.

Online harassment can lead to:

  • Criminal charges
  • University disciplinary action
  • Job consequences
  • Long-term reputation damage
  • Emotional harm to others
  • Emotional damage to yourself

Violence does not build power. It destroys credibility.
Ask yourself:
Who are you when nobody is watching?
Who are you behind the screen?

If you’re feeling angry, rejected, influenced by toxic content or online personalities pushing hate, then count to ten and pause.
Log off.
Breathe.
Think.

The algorithm profits from outrage. Don’t be a puppet to the tech bros’ profit. 

If you need support:

  • Join the HeCareZA WhatsApp Support Group
  •  Seek counselling through local mental health services:
    o  SADAG (South African Depression and Anxiety Group): sadag.org
    o  Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0800 567 567
  • Reach out to trusted community programmes for men like HeCareZa and Mankind Project

Being a man is not about proving you’re tougher. It’s about building character.

This Is How We Build

We don’t stay quiet.

If you see harassment:

  • Don’t laugh.
  • Don’t forward it.
  • Don’t screenshot and share it.
  • Don’t hype it in the comments.

Shut it down.

Call it out, calmly, respectfully.
Check your friends.
Say, “That’s not it.”
Say, “We’re better than that.”

Building isn’t dramatic.
It’s daily.
It’s choosing respect when the crowd chooses cruelty.
It’s protecting dignity when the algorithm pushes drama.
It’s being solid, even when no one’s watching.
That’s how you build respect, communities, and your own legacy.
YOU decide what man you want to become: a builder or a breaker.

Rather share this

A song by Xtreem Makhayeni – a rapper from Orange Farm – whose music and lyrics focus on social
issues. His song “Ngeke” won the Fair Play 2025 competition and is about how corruption in South
Africa robs young people of their futures.

In “Build or Break”, Ekstreem reminds us that real strength isn’t control, it’s honesty of character.
Real legacy isn’t money, it’s respect and building equality.

Build or Break Lyrics:
Original lyrics 

Hook:

Either you build or you break, ey (x2)
Still trying to get the bread
Pray that my mother, my sister okay
Pray that my baby, my daughter okay
Either you build or you break, ey.

Are you going to give or are you going to take?
Either you win or you hate.

Verse 1

Its getting crazier by the day
Women no longer feel safe around the men
Than to be with us they rather choose a bear
That should really tell a lot about ourselves
We blame it on how they dress
And it really don’t make no sense

Just because akakfuni don’t mean that u have to be mean man, common sense
We got a problem that we need to face

Your comment gonna live forever
better watch what u say
All of this hate towards women we got it from tate
With all of this content they put in our face
It’s not late we can change

Why be misogynistic just show love to ladies
That’s how a real man gon’ stand on bidnessl
By protecting not hurting or being a menace to the ladies
Angfaki isgela ngyaba bhekisa
Niba limit.a ekhishi niyab phekisa
Besilahlekile now the right direction is we’re we heading
Zinto are changing

Hook:

Either you build or you break, ey (x2)
Still trying to get the bread
Pray that my mother, my sister okay
Pray that my baby, my daughter okay
Either you build or you break, ey.

Are you going to give or are you going to take?
Either you love or you hate.

Verse 2

Tell me who is you when nobody is looking
We get on the net and we start acting foolish
We become a bully for the likes kanti yini askhuli
Just coz we know that no one is gon’ hold us accountable
But the women they human we know they got feelings too
I see all this hate on the net and i think ‘bout ma sister ma baby i feel it too

Zinja zami we gotta do better
Better angels within us are embedded
We been misled and I’m glad that we get it

Algorithm just Manipulates us n control behaviour
Then defeat us
Without women we wouldn’t exist.a
They deserve all the kindness and the peace
But they the ones getting harassed on the media
By the same people who pose to be leader
Is u gon’ follow or gon leader
Or is u gon’ sit behind the phone n joke n post
About how these things u don’t feel.a
What we see in these reals is not real.a

Spending our time TikTok
TikTok ntwna iskhathi syahamba
They got the youth in the noose bayas khama
I pray that ma people can see we the prey to the algorithm n we suffer
khokha umoya relaxer
Being a man is not showing people that u tougher

It’s ‘bout building a legacy
It’s not it’s never about imali engingi
Ngothando no buntu we really win
The quality is in equality
If u know wat i mean

Hook:

Either you build or you break, ey (x2)
Still trying to get the bread
Pray that my mother, my sister okay
Pray that my baby, my daughter okay
Either you build or you break, ey.

Are you going to give or are you going to take?
Either you win or you hate.


English only Translation:
VERSE 1

It’s getting crazier by the day
Women no longer feel safe around men
Rather than being with us, they would choose a bear
That should tell us a lot about ourselves

We blame it on how they dress
And that really doesn’t make any sense

Just because she doesn’t want you
Doesn’t mean you have to be cruel, that’s common sense
We have a problem that we need to face

Your comment is going to live forever
You better watch what you say
All this hate toward women comes from Tate
And from all this content pushed in our face
But it’s not too late, we can change

Why be misogynistic, just show love to women
That’s how a real man stands on his principles
By protecting, not hurting
Not being a menace to women

Don’t be loud and reckless, think carefully
You limit them to the kitchen, you make them cook
We were lost
Now we’re heading in the right direction
Things are changing

VERSE 2

Tell me who you are when nobody is watching
We get online and start acting foolish

We become bullies for likes
Even though that’s not who we really are
Just because we think no one will hold us accountable

But women are human too
We know they have feelings
When I see all this hate online
I think about my sister, my child
I feel it deeply

My brothers, we have to do better
Our better angels are already within us
We were misled, and I’m glad we’re starting to understand

The algorithm manipulates us and controls behaviour
Then it defeats us

Without women, we wouldn’t exist
They deserve kindness and peace
But they’re the ones being harassed online
By the same people who claim to be leaders

Will you follow or will you lead?
Or will you sit behind a phone, joke, and post
About things you claim you don’t feel

What we see online is not real

We spend our time on TikTok
While time keeps moving

The youth are trapped and suffocated
I pray my people can see
We are prey to the algorithm, and we suffer

Slow down, breathe, relax

Being a man is not about proving you’re tougher

It’s about building a legacy
It’s not, and it’s never been, about having a lot of money
With love and humanity, that’s how we truly win
The quality is in equality
You know what I mean